My main issue with your thesis, Derek, is that you don't make it clear that you're responding to another author's essay (I assume you're responding to Tannen's essay). It sounds like you're just making a bold claim without grounding it - it might make more sense when taken in the context of your paper, but I'd still try and tie it into Tannen's essay a little more directly. Also, a thesis should take risks and stick it's neck out there, but saying that something "is a proven fact" in your thesis just begs for a reader to immediately dismiss what you're writing. Tell the reader that you're going to show how it's a fact instead.
My main issue with your thesis, Derek, is that you don't make it clear that you're responding to another author's essay (I assume you're responding to Tannen's essay). It sounds like you're just making a bold claim without grounding it - it might make more sense when taken in the context of your paper, but I'd still try and tie it into Tannen's essay a little more directly. Also, a thesis should take risks and stick it's neck out there, but saying that something "is a proven fact" in your thesis just begs for a reader to immediately dismiss what you're writing. Tell the reader that you're going to show how it's a fact instead.
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